Tips for Connecting and Communicating

For Everyone

Key points

  • Strong communication builds secure parent-child relationships.
  • Use nonverbal cues (eye contact, body language, touch with consent) to show empathy and safety.
  • Practice active listening by giving full attention, reflecting feelings, and validating emotions.
  • Imitate and describe your child’s actions to support connection, self-esteem, focus, and language development.
Mom and dad coloring with young child

Overview

Good communication is important for developing a positive relationship and strengthening the connection between you and your child. Children crave connection because it makes them feel secure.

There are many appropriate and fun ways to foster this connection. Use your best judgment and knowledge of your child's unique needs or personality to decide when and how to connect.

Communicate nonverbally

Some toddlers and preschoolers have limited words and speaking abilities, so they often communicate nonverbally. Using nonverbal methods, like eye contact and body language, together with your words can express empathy, show that you're listening, and help your child feel safe and calm.

If it's appropriate and comfortable for your child, you may also use physical touch to connect. For example, ask your child if they would like a hug, a high-five, or to hold hands. Incorporating physical connection into everyday activities, like holding hands when walking or cuddling when reading together, can strengthen your bond.

Before offering connection through physical touch, always ask for consent and ensure that you have your child's permission. Ask, "Would you like a hug?" Then observe and honor their verbal or nonverbal response cues, such as a head nod. This helps toddlers and preschoolers feel safe while trying to connect. Some children may need to be calm first. If this is the case with your child, try offering a thumbs up, a smile, or a wink instead.

Practice active listening

Active listening means giving your full attention to your child, and its a great way to improve communication and build connections. It lets your child know you are interested in what they have to say.

It can be tempting to brush off our children's issues and emotions, especially on challenging days. However, children need to know that their parents and caregivers will listen to and support them. This will make it more likely our children will talk with us about their hopes and problems when they are older.

Practice active listening by giving your full attention to your child, getting down on their level, and making eye contact. You can also show you are listening by repeating what your child has said or by labeling how you think they feel. You don't have to repeat exactly what your child said but what you say should be similar. You can add detail, shorten, or correct what your child has said.

Additionally, when you reflect your child's emotions, watch your child's behavior and describe the emotions they seem to be having. This gives your child a word for the emotion and helps him learn that it is ok to talk about feelings.

Active listening example

Your older child's baseball game is at 6:00 p.m. and you only have a short time to make dinner, help with homework, and get everyone ready. As the kids play, you quickly start making dinner. Soon, you hear your younger son crying. He tells you that his brother hit him and called him a bad name.

You are tempted to keep making dinner while nodding your head at what your child is saying, but then you decide to show him you are actively listening. You stop what you are doing, turn to him, make eye contact, and summarize what he has told you and how he seems to be feeling. You say, "It sounds like your brother made you feel sad when he hit you and said mean things." By doing this, you have let your child know that he has your full attention. He knows that his emotions and feelings are important to you.

Parents who actively listen and communicate understanding help their children learn to recognize and express their feelings, which supports the growth of their emotional well-being. Explore Noticing and Naming Emotions to learn more.

Imitate and describe

You can imitate your child's behavior by copying or mimicking what they are doing. For example, you could play with the same or a similar toy and use it like your child is using it. Imitating your child's play shows them you are paying attention and like what they are doing. Imitation can help a child feel good about themselves and it provides an opportunity to enhance connection.

Descriptions occur when you talk about what your child is doing in as much detail as possible. Describe your child's action like a sports reporter describes what is going on to someone who can't see the action. Descriptions show your child you are interested in what they are doing, and that they have your full attention. Descriptions can help build self-esteem because they let your child know you think what they are doing is interesting.

Descriptions are also helpful in holding your child's attention. This helps increase the length of time your child can stick to a task, which prepares your child for the focus they need when they begin school.

Description example

"You decided to put a green hat on the cowboy. You picked the green cowboy boots that match the green hat. Those boots are tough to put on, and I like how hard you are trying."

Descriptions also encourage language development because you are providing your child with words to describe things, which helps build vocabulary. This can also help you teach your child. For example, you can teach your child how to count, or name colors by using descriptions.

Reflection

How has your toddler or preschooler responded to nonverbal communication and description?

  • Is there a specific method of communication that your toddler or preschooler prefers? How can you incorporate communication and connection using this knowledge?
  • Can your toddler tell when you are actively listening and when you are not? Do you notice any differences in their behavior when you are doing one versus the other?
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Content Source:
National Center for Injury Prevention and Control