Getting Help

What If Your Teen Is Experiencing Dating Violence?

If your teen tells you that he or she is the victim of dating violence, or if you suspect dating violence, stay calm as your reaction may affect how your teen responds to the situation. Create a safe environment for communication and reassure your teen that you will not point blame. Allow your teen time to express what is going on, and do not be offended or upset if he or she pulls away. If this happens, express that you respect his or her privacy but also are concerned for his or her safety. Avoid threatening to hurt his or her dating partner to get revenge. This only makes your teen less likely to tell you about any future dating violence that may occur.

Remind your teen that you care and thank him or her for opening up. Consider exploring different community resources such as hotlines and counselors who are available to help your teen deal with the situation.

You may also want to report the violence to local law enforcement and discuss options to pursue. You might want to document the actions you have taken and the responses you receive.

What if Your Teen is Being Violent?

Perpetrators in violent relationships may suffer legal and health consequences. Each time a young person is violent and there are no negative consequences, that violent behavior is being reinforced. If they do not get help, perpetrators may develop lifelong patterns of unhealthy, unhappy relationships.

If you believe that your teen is being violent with his or her dating partner, or is treating others with disrespect, you may be feeling a lot of disbelief or anger. However, there are some ways to help your teen and to address the situation. For example:

• Create a safe environment for discussion.
  
• Encourage your teen to talk, but do not force him or her to open up.
• Thank your teen for sharing.
• Seek expert help for your teen, such as a hotline, counselor, or youth group.
• Tell your teen it is your job as a parent to keep him or her safe.
• Check in regularly with your teen.
• Praise your teen when he or she is kind and respectful to others.
• Show your teen how he or she can maintain his or her desires and needs without using violent behaviors.

More resources and helpful sites on dating violence.